tonights vs tomorrows
i woke up today, 29 going on "the-rest-of-my-life". not because i'm having an almost-mid-midlife crisis. i'm really not much on personal crisis.
no, this was much more intentional. i had a conversation on which i had, in advance, hung the direction of the next several years of my life, and where said life would take place1. as conversations go, it wasn't drastically life altering in anyway. i essentially got what i asked for.
the irony is that i'm now beginning to pack my life and look for the next place, the next job, the next life. money goes so far (too far most of the time). after that.
after that, there's always a suitcase and a plane2.
tonight, though, there are no planes. tonight i'll just feel the separation of where i am and where i hope to be. tomorrow i'll find the glimmer of a new life, peaking through the coffee. nudging me toward tomorrow.
and in that, i'll close this blog. so few entries. it's quite sad really. but i think it's time to start something new.
1 at this point i'm sure you thought "wow, no pressure or anything" or one of the many variations on this comment, all intimately laced with sarcasm. what's even better is that it was purely unexpressed pressure. i find people to be most honest when they have no clue of the implications.
2 this statement does not apply to everyone. some satiate their restlessness with new jeans or chunky monkey ice cream. some don't even know what chunky monkey ice cream is, poor sad souls. i quite enjoy chunky monkey ice cream, especially when real bananas are involved. it is not, however, even a bad solution to what i currently feel. right now my heart knows only planes or long drives. my soul has already started wandering. walking across the country. across the atlantic. it started doing that years ago in times like this; tired of waiting for action, forcing my hand. so for some time, as we have often done, we'll wander independent of each other. sad, eagar ghosts who only see the world around them in overlapping images. both worlds, wandering and stationary, blending together to create a dizzy life. we'll see each other soon my friend. in some coffee shop, at some sunset, in some cool breeze on the other side of the country or world or who knows where. and we'll smile and know, whole again. our new home.
no, this was much more intentional. i had a conversation on which i had, in advance, hung the direction of the next several years of my life, and where said life would take place1. as conversations go, it wasn't drastically life altering in anyway. i essentially got what i asked for.
the irony is that i'm now beginning to pack my life and look for the next place, the next job, the next life. money goes so far (too far most of the time). after that.
after that, there's always a suitcase and a plane2.
tonight, though, there are no planes. tonight i'll just feel the separation of where i am and where i hope to be. tomorrow i'll find the glimmer of a new life, peaking through the coffee. nudging me toward tomorrow.
and in that, i'll close this blog. so few entries. it's quite sad really. but i think it's time to start something new.
1 at this point i'm sure you thought "wow, no pressure or anything" or one of the many variations on this comment, all intimately laced with sarcasm. what's even better is that it was purely unexpressed pressure. i find people to be most honest when they have no clue of the implications.
2 this statement does not apply to everyone. some satiate their restlessness with new jeans or chunky monkey ice cream. some don't even know what chunky monkey ice cream is, poor sad souls. i quite enjoy chunky monkey ice cream, especially when real bananas are involved. it is not, however, even a bad solution to what i currently feel. right now my heart knows only planes or long drives. my soul has already started wandering. walking across the country. across the atlantic. it started doing that years ago in times like this; tired of waiting for action, forcing my hand. so for some time, as we have often done, we'll wander independent of each other. sad, eagar ghosts who only see the world around them in overlapping images. both worlds, wandering and stationary, blending together to create a dizzy life. we'll see each other soon my friend. in some coffee shop, at some sunset, in some cool breeze on the other side of the country or world or who knows where. and we'll smile and know, whole again. our new home.