i tried to smoke a cigar yesterday, instead of the camels i tell myself i gave up weeks ago, but the walk just wasn't the same. it's not the smoke, it's the fire - that burns all the way to my head. it heightens the apathy toward people, but passion in general. how i don't know. maybe it's all psychological. i feel my mind drifting into an old movie where you can mark the good and the evil simply by the way a person walks or glances from side to side.

that was the american dream right? black and white movies. adventure and changing the world. or maybe that was only my interpretation. did i just completely miss it all these years? i don't remember seclusive bubbles being part of that dream, where you marry and die to the rest of the world. all of those other bastards are just going to detract, so let's build a bubble and wave from the inside. take a vacation and take the bubble with you. you are the only people in all the world, relationships beyond family be damned.

now that's evil. how can you love and show love without relationship? how do you make the world a better place by just not being a part of it? "i'm not doing anything to make it worse. i'm just minding my own business." like hell. an entire society of interactionless (and mostly actionless) sects.

how can anyone dream of being so singular and so selfish.

to hell with the dream. live and die in it for all i care. i'll walk my vacant streets in smokey silence, throwing my smoldering cigarette butts into your perfectly manicured lawns. let it light, burn it all down. all of it. and you can sit together in your ash and flame.
this is hell. welcome to it.